Am I The Narcissist? A Take A Look At Inverted Narcissism

Am I The Narcissist? A Take A Look At Inverted Narcissism

In my work with victims of narcissistic abuse I'm more often than not requested the same question: "How do I know I'm not the Narcissist?"

After I requested my own therapist this query so many years ago she answered "Should you had been the narcissist you wouldn't be asking that query, because narcissist's won't see that the problem is with them." They are too busy projecting the problems onto these around them.

However our personal narcissism is a matter worth exploring in more detail. For instance: Why will we ask that query to start with. What is it that makes us really feel we are the narcissist?

In talking to a shopper at this time I had a big realization. She was telling me how she was at all times disappointed in her previous boyfriends or partners. They just didn't measure up to her expectations. As we dug slightly deeper she explained how she has wavered between feelings of superiority and feelings of inferiority. She has built her personal illusion or thought of who she was which in her personal reality positioned herself upon a pedestal. So in a sense she was doing the identical thing a narcissistic personality would do. She sheltered herself from her emotions of inferiority by placing herself upon a pedestal. That pedestal created a false confidence.

So when the narcissistic personality comes into her life her false confidence is initially mirrored by the narcissist who reflects to her the image worthy of the pedestal she has positioned herself upon. But because the relationship progresses her emotions of inferiority are triggered as he projects his own inferiority upon her. Now she is experiencing the feeling of getting her mate dissatisfied in her inadequacy just as she has been disillusioned in previous companions for his or her inadequacy.

What's the distinction than between the narcissistic companion and the one who feels abused? Compassion and Empathy! The shopper I was talking to at the moment, identified together with her companions feelings of superiority and also with his feelings of inadequacy. She had empathy for him. She did not want to see him harm because she knows how painful it's to expertise those self same kinds of feelings. A pathological narcissist may give a rip about his companions hurt feelings. He is only involved with himself and his personal needs.

The inverted narcissist, as Sam Vaknin calls it, is the perfect match for the pathological narcissist. Because when their false selves meet, the phantasm of who they believe themselves to be is strengthened to a point the place it might really feel like Cinderella meeting her prince who takes her out of her hell hole, where she is made to wear rags and sweep ashes all day. Suddenly she is swept off her toes, she matches the glass slipper completely, and is carried off to the Castle adorned with lovely robes and riches match for the queen she is.

Perhaps in this fairy story, Cinderella all the time fantasized herself to be a queen, however she lived the reality of being an ash maiden. She was ridiculed and condemned by these round her and made to feel unworthy of the nice things in life. But she would show them someday. She would show them she was really a queen.

For these of us who come from painful childhoods the place we have been someway made to feel inferior, we are able to simply create fantasy worlds the place we escape into by no means by no means land. We imagine ourselves as fairy princesses and that imagine our prince driving up on a white horse and sweeping us off our feet, carrying us from our humble reality to an amazing castle the place we are handled as a queen must be treated.

Within the psychic realm the psychosis of the pathological narcissist is a great match for the fantasy world of the inverted narcissist. Because in the world of make believe an excellent fantasy is created the place the King and the Queen of never by no means land get collectively and experience off into the sunset. It's such a gorgeous love story, within the beginning.

However all glass slippers finally break and so do the glass houses the "very best" couple reside in. There love is not built on anything real, however rather an phantasm of perfection created by both parties. She is saying "be my prince" and he's saying "be my queen." However once they settle into the Castle the true selves start to emerge. The feelings of inferiority begin to surface. Both companions do not really want to be came upon, less they risk dropping their status upon that pedestal. "What if she finds out I'm really a frog?" He might think. And he or she would possibly wonder "what if he knows the truth of me, that Am I A Narcissist'm only an ash sweeper?"

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